Glossy Garbage

© 2008 Stan Spire


Junk mail. And the junkiest is another propaganda publication from the college where I played the game and graduated with a useless degree.

Useless degree? Why, a college education guarantees a good job, higher wages! A four-year degree is gold.

Actually it’s crap if all the colleges are pumping out too many graduates for too few jobs. During one economic slump when I needed a job, any job, I was told by an employment counselor to omit listing my BA from any applications.

“You’re not being hired,” she told me, “because you look overqualified with your college degree.”

But you’re never see any stories like that in a college alumni magazine. After all, the alumni magazine wants to maintain the illusion how great college is, how successful ALL graduates are.

I hated that college. It was built right next to an immense lake, meaning that winters were insufferable. If the wind didn’t knock you down and break a leg, the frosty gales would bite any exposed skin. A snowstorm would roll in off the lake, completely burying your car in a dune of white powder.

But skim through the slick pages of the alumni magazine. Not one winter shot. Nothing but sunny day scenes taken during the non-winter months: September and May. Anything between those two months was artic hell.

Obviously, if most people knew what winter was like at that college, they would’ve chosen another institution of higher learning in New York State.

Not that would make any difference outside of the weather. The NY university system always talks about excellence, but I didn’t notice any excellence at the colleges I attended. At best I encountered mediocrity, especially with writing courses. I learned more on my own than listening to a college hack. After all, if such an instructor was so talented, how come he hadn’t been published beyond some obscure literary magazine with twenty subscribers? (The nineteen other subscribers were teaching hacks whose work was also accepted by said magazine.) That’s why I consider a college alumni magazine as nothing more than a slick lie printed on slick paper.

Flip through the pages and marvel at all the successful people who landed good jobs and are getting married, big weddings. Look who’s on the cover: that guy on network TeeVee, a celebrity who made it big because of his college education.

But what about the graduate those who didn’t make it, who never became a mass media celeb, who didn’t publish a major book or become CEO of a major company? Think about those stories when you peruse any glossy propaganda promulgated from a college desperate for fresh meat to grind through its machine.

Take it Back? You Don’t Have It

© 2008 Stan Spire


What a load of bullshit.

TeeVee snooze news, boring coverage of the Iowa presidential primaries. One candidate spews crap about how the people have to take back their democracy.

Some Americans feel that along the way they lost control of their government. After all, they’ve been told that the people, not their government, run things.

That’s been a lie from Day One. The Elite – the fortunate ones with wealth and influence – have always called the shots. The American Revolution was basically about a bunch of well-to-do landowners trying to keep control of their turf. They needed the common people to help them fight off British. And the stupified fell for it, the “all men are created equal” spiel.

And the stupes are still falling for it. A politician proclaims, “We have to take back our government.” Cheers, applause, grateful drooling.

Ever look at a sample of the US citizenship test? Immigrants who pass that exam know more about this country’s power structure than people who have spent all their lives here. I’d like to see native-born Americans take the test. How many of them would correctly answer this question: “What kind of government does the United States have?”

If you answer “A democracy,” you’re clueless and should be deported. When you perfunctorily join in the Pledge of Allegiance, do you utter, “for the Democracy for which it stands?”

The US is a republic. And a wide range of governmental systems can be described as republics, including dictatorships.

But most Americans think they live in a democracy because the pols keep saying it like it’s really true. If we really lived in a democracy, Al Gore would have been president back in 2000 because he won the popular vote. A democracy shouldn’t have a rigged system like the Electoral College.

So don’t listen to someone bloviating about taking back your democratic government. You don’t have one.

If you want to push for change, demand more control over the political process. A good place to start is to get rid of the Electoral College. A democracy means one person, one vote, no bullshit.

F*** Xmas

© 2007 Stan Spire


Since I’m a family values person, I’ve copped out and replaced key letters in the title with asterisks. So if there are any inquisitive kids wondering about the title, tell the little bastards it means Free Christmas.

Plattsburgh streets are empty and still today. Instead of someone’s birthday, you would think someone had died.

What has died is individualism. Everyone is supposed to follow the majority. But for someone like me – no job, no car, no house, no family – I don’t have the conformity cachet to play in the reindeer games. Christmas is another day in the week, albeit a quiet one.

But I prefer not to get caught up in the seasonal game. No more fighting the crowds at the mall. No more impossible idealism about having the perfect holiday.

Everyone lives with the illusion that nothing bad should happen on Xmas. Peace on earth, good will towards men. Ask your local police about this time of year. More calls to break up family disputes. A bank robbery is less messy than calming down a domestic blow-up.

But don’t talk about that. Keep such details in the background. After all, it’s Xmas! There’s the factoid that years ago relatives would fudge the death date of a loved one by moving it before or after the holiday. After all, no one can die on Jesus’ birthday. It’s kinda rude.

Anyway, talking about death around the holidays might affect the economy. Xmas sales are vital. After all, that poor CEO wants to buy a new private jet.

No matter how stupid the ritual, don’t think, just do it.

A few days ago the national news followed the story of some jerk and his children who got lost in the snowy woods while looking for an Xmas tree. Search parties were sent out. The idiot and his kids were found, cold but alive. And what does the lamestream media call this event? A Christmas miracle.

Isn’t Christmas stupidity more accurate? If it’s so easy for an adult to get lost in the woods, he should buy his tree in a city parking lot. (And even then the moron might get lost.)

I Want A Flamethrower For Xmas

© 2007 Stan Spire


Plattsburgh – The City That Don’t Werk - will spend all sorts of money putting up useless Xmas decorations downtown as if that junk will draw anyone away from the shopping malls outside the city limits.

After every light and wreath is in place, the city claims it doesn’t have enough money for manpower to keep the sidewalks clear of snow. Every winter Pits-burgh threatens to bill anyone who doesn’t shovel the sidewalk in front of his home or business. But nothing happens. Some stretches remained blocked with piles of white crap. If it has the time, public werks might scrape off a few walkways before the spring sun does the job for it.

Well, I have the answer. Give me a flamethrower. A stream of fiery napalm will quickly clear away any clogged sidewalks. And I’ll take out those stupid Xmas decorations, too. No decorations, no need to put them up next year. That means more money to maintain the sidewalks in the winter.

Money that the city could spend on a good flamethrower.

The Blackmailer

© 2007 Stan Spire


Despite the constant downward pull, I refuse to sink and hit bottom, unlike certain criminal masterminds who appear in the news.

For example, take the case of the Internet blackmailer. He created a second identity with an online social networking service, pretending to befriend a woman in his community. He led the woman on, causing her to reveal the possible existence of an amateur videotape showing her in flagrante delicto.

Knowledge is power, especially inside knowledge of a scandalous nature. It was easy for the man, hiding behind his phony identity, to blackmail the woman. His activity moved from cyberspace to meat space. He claimed that he had the sex videotape and that he would give it to the woman only if she provided sexual favors to “a friend.” Actually the friend was the blackmailer using his real name.

The woman, with great reluctance, gave in to the threats. She visited the “friend’s” apartment on different occasions, apparently not suspecting that she was engaging in sexual acts with her online blackmailer. She tried again and again to get the videotape but no success. The blackmailer was bluffing; the tape didn’t exist.

But the story got out. The blackmailer was arrested and later he pled guilty to coercion. Despite his cleverness (or what he thought was cleverness), he didn’t get away with the crime.

Imagine the poor victim. This young woman must be jaded now when it comes to men. The terrible experience must leave a bad taste in her mouth.

Hopefully she’s wiser and won’t fall for another bonehead deception.