Batman, Shatman

© 2008 Stan Spire


The new Batman movie is greater than the return of Jesus! Everyone says so, ergo it must be true. Especially the TeeVee nooz and all those late night talk shows.

Heath Ledger. Why he deserves an Oscar award for his portrayal of the Joker. And don’t say anything bad about him. He died from an accidental overdose. Tragic. Ergo, his performance is critic-proof. Greater than Jesus dying on the cross.

So since everyone in the lamestream media says the new Batman movie – The Dork Knight Returns or whatever it’s called - is so fucking great, I won’t have to see it. It would be so great that I couldn’t handle it.

Too bad Jack Nicholson didn’t die when he portrayed the Joker in the previous series of Batman movies. He sucked as the Joker. Overrated ham. But I can say that because he didn’t die: he’s alive and not critic-proof.

Then there’s Marlon Brando who sucked even more in another superhero series, Superman, with Christopher Reeves in the title role. The magnificent Marlon portrayed Superman’s Kryptonian father, Jor-El, as a pretentious albino. Oops, Brando is dead. I’ll have to retract that criticism.

After I die no one can say anything bad about me. It’s not nice to speak ill of corpses.