Saturday, March 13, 2010

Police Blot: March 12, 2010

(C) 2010 Stan Spire

(Not to be confused with a similarly-named feature in some newspapers called Police Blotter. I add my POV to the details of the arrest.)

A Plattsburgh man has been arrested for selling drugs. It's alleged he has made drug sales from his residence in front of his two-year-old daughter.

So maybe he thought it was "Take Your Daughter To Work" week.

VD Schadenfreude

(C) 2010 Stan Spire

OK, better late than never. Anyway, commenting on holiday bullshit is timeless.

Almost every Xmas season you'll see an article in the newspaper about avoiding holiday stress or dealing with depression while everyone is so happy.

No, this ain't about Xmas but a more recent holiday that's almost as irritating: Valentine's Day.

I came across an article in a woman's magazine about Valentine's Day and the single woman who lacks a soulmate. Now I don't normally read women's mags but sometimes I'll glance at one to see what crap is being fed to the opposite sex, trying to understand why today's modern woman might have her head screwed on but it's up her ass.

Cosmo magazine and their ilk get women all worked up with such nonsense as "abandonment issues" and other pop psychology fads. Some of the articles are fake: the writer will make up people to illustrate a point. So when the reader sees a quote from "Galadriel," a young married woman from a conservative town in Oklahoma who suffers from female sexual dysfunction, that person might exist only in the mind of the magazine's so-called "journalist."

In other articles the writer just pulls stuff out her backside to fit in with the theme and fill space.

The article I just stomached in a local woman's mag gave a list of tips for a single lonely woman to handle her companionlessness on the most romantic of holidays. One suggestion was not to ridicule VD, don't say it's a stupid holiday, expressing sour grapes. Apparently a lonely woman is supposed to embrace the happiness of couples around her and just admit that she's a loser.

Then the writer makes this statement:

"Stop assuming you are missing out. You do not know the real nature of people’s relationships. Sometimes couples end up going through the motions on Valentine’s Day."

If she just kept following that train of thought, providing a practical suggestion. Instead of feeling sad about not celebrating VD, a lonely woman could stay home and enjoy vicious fantasies about couples being trapped in desperate, loveless relationships, partners just pretending to be happy. Maybe each one has been cheating and they exchange venereal diseases. VD VD.

The German word for this is schadenfreude. A better way to get through another pain-in-the-ass holiday than following useless tips from a dumb blonde article.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Country Western "Music" On The Public Bus

(C) 2010 Stan Spire

The driver picks the music and sometimes an intelligent a rider suffers, especially when the CW is cranked up a bit too loud.

I knew I was in for rough sledding when the keywords in the song, repeated throughout, were "International Harvester" (as in tractor).

Hee haw.

Freak Out

(C) 2010 Stan Spire

The other day someone wrote in to the Plattsburgh Daily Dinosaur (news)paper saying that he was ashamed of some of the opinions that appeared in the comment-anonymously-via-email feature, Speak Out. He was afraid that such ignorant comments from readers would get out beyond the Plattsburgh area (i.e., to the world), how such comments would taint the image of the people who live here.

Inspiration. I decided to do my part in meming the astute acumen evinced by certain NENYlanders.

Here are a couple of Speak Out items. The first one belongs to the "Huh?" category.

== Speakout: Feb. 27, 2010

I cannot wait to hear the whining over the dismantling of yet another North Country meth lab. I'm sure the local druggies can reduce meth down to a level found in nature which surely must justify its existence. Bad policemen, no doughnuts for you this week. ==

So is the writer anti-druggie, anti-cop or just addled from meth?

The next one refers to a volunteer effort held each year by a local Catholic school to bring aid to the poor people of Nicaragua. This year the first flight for the Mission of Hope volunteers was canceled. Someone made this observation:

== Speakout: March 1, 2010

Maybe God is telling the Mission of Hope by canceling their flight that the Nicaraguan Communists do not need their help. ==

Hey, no doughnuts for you, John Bircher.

Ice The "Miracle"

(C) 2010 Stan Spire

The 2010 Winter O'limpdicks are over but there was one item I have to comment on.

Back during the 1980 Winter O'limpdicks, held here in NENYland in the yuppie town of Lake Placid, the US hockey team beat their Russian/Soviet Union opponents. It was an upset. But to get the maximum juice of the story it was called "The Miracle On Ice." Two stupid movies have been made about it.

The Miracle On Ice crap popped up during the last winter games. Inflating a notable victory into a colossal legend with all the bullshit that goes with it.

C'mon, what "miracle?" Talk about cheapening a word.

By "miracle," do they mean Angels of the Lord wielding fiery swords came down and slew the evil commie hockey players?

It's the same kind of "miracle" you get when you eat that second-rate imitation mayonnaise crap called "Miracle" Whip. Of course, the ersatz mayo comes in a jar and the hyped-up hockey victory is packaged in a giant crock.