I Want A Flamethrower For Xmas

© 2007 Stan Spire


Plattsburgh – The City That Don’t Werk - will spend all sorts of money putting up useless Xmas decorations downtown as if that junk will draw anyone away from the shopping malls outside the city limits.

After every light and wreath is in place, the city claims it doesn’t have enough money for manpower to keep the sidewalks clear of snow. Every winter Pits-burgh threatens to bill anyone who doesn’t shovel the sidewalk in front of his home or business. But nothing happens. Some stretches remained blocked with piles of white crap. If it has the time, public werks might scrape off a few walkways before the spring sun does the job for it.

Well, I have the answer. Give me a flamethrower. A stream of fiery napalm will quickly clear away any clogged sidewalks. And I’ll take out those stupid Xmas decorations, too. No decorations, no need to put them up next year. That means more money to maintain the sidewalks in the winter.

Money that the city could spend on a good flamethrower.