© 2008 Stan Spire
Leave it to the hospital to transform the simple act of peeing in a cup into a complex operation.
All I wanted to do was leave a specimen. I checked the directions posted on the wall. Circumcised or uncircumcised? OK, I pick column B. Now begins the process, step by step.
Carefully wash your hands with soap. Completely dry your hands. Uncap the plastic specimen container. Then take an antiseptic towelette and carefully clean the end of your penis. DO NOT TOUCH THE END OF YOUR PENIS UNTIL THE SPECIMEN IS PROPERLY COLLECTED. Now stand over the toilet, start a stream, then stop. Only resume the stream to leave a sample in the container. Then cap the container. IMPORTANT: MAKE SURE THE CONTAINER IS SEALED TIGHT.
Wait a couple of days to hear from your doctor.
And what are the results of your urine test?
ANALYSIS: YOUR HANDS ARE SOAPY AND THERE’S ANTISEPTIC ON THE TIP OF YOUR PENIS.
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