Summer Brings Out The Assholes

© 2009 Stan Spire


I leave a large bag on a table at a coffeehouse and walk over to talk to a friend at another table. It’s obvious with that bag there that someone is still using the table.

Then some dolt comes in off the street, shoves aside my bag to set up his chess set. I return to what had been my table and say, “Excuse me, I hope I don’t bother if I move my stuff out of your way.”

Dolt replies: “No, that won’t bother me.”

When the weather gets warm, the assholes come out of hibernation.

Later I’m walking down the sidewalk, keeping to my half. Six assholes approach me in a group, not bothering to bunch up a bit so that I could walk on at least half one-fourth of the fucking sidewalk. It’s like: “We own the sidewalk. Get out of the way!”

And then there’s the assholes that racing down the sidewalk on their bikes, especially from behind. You don’t hear them until they rip by you within a few inches. No cops around, of course. They’re too busy with the twofer sale at the donut shop.

Time for all assholes to go into hibernation once again – permanently.