Mainstream Media Can Provide Another Vital Service (And Make Some $)

© Stan Spire 2009


If you’re the boss, what’s the best way to fire someone – I mean, if your employees are nothing more than expendable parts in the money-making machine?

One way is to email them. Or tell them to stay home Sunday evening and wait for a phone call to let them know whether or not they still have a job the next day.

Minimize personal contact. In fact, no contact at all. Tell the shittcanned to stop by the office at an appointed time and clear out their desk. Make sure a security guard escorts them out the building.

This has happened to many employees during the Dubya Depression, even professional journalists and other media types. But now there’s a new wrinkle in getting out the bad news.

The employees of a New Hampshire newspaper, the Eagle Times, were blindsided when they suddenly learned that their paper was shutting down and they were out in the cold.

In an interview with a Burlington, VT TeeVee station, WCAX, a longtime Eagle Times reader was quoted on how he learned the news: “We heard it last night on the 11 o'clock news. It really surprised me and it is such short notice."

Hey, why not? The media have always been bringers of bad news. Now for a fee mainstream media types could provide a new service for insensitive companies, notifying unsuspecting workers that they’re no longer needed, hit the freakin’ road, pal. Just check out the 11 PM TeeVee news to find out if you still have a job. Call the feature “Job Watch.” Tell the now extraneous employees what time to come in grab their personal belongings. Remind them a big beefy security guard will keep an eye on them.

That way the CEO shitcanning his employees in such a questionable manner won’t have to worry about the shit being kicked out of his can.